It seems to be I try my hardest to say "I'm sorry" but even sorry is never good enough for him.
I mean I work so very hard to just be his friend and people go and screw everything up. Rumors are Lies and Lies aren't true. If you ask me something im not going to go and find some random story to tell you, im not going to flaunt something I don't have, and im sure not going to tell you something I don't believe is the truth.
I personally could tell you I Love You, but seeing the person you've become I know that's a lie, so I wont do it, I'll save myself from the hurt and frustration of waiting for your irrelevant excuse of an answer. Ive learned so much from you, and who you are to this day! I do have some small snide remarks to make about you, but only because you speak all of yours to the world. While I keep mine to myself, because I know its the adult thing to do. I don't need to talk up a storm of delirious lies and rumors. I wouldn't necessarily cause you hurt or anger, but I would make you question yourself in ways no other girl could possibly ever show you. Thinking upon the last few months turning 16 made an impact on my life from the day before and the days to come after, but look at me now babe. Open your eyes and see the woman I am. I may still be the same 16yr old you knew before, but I am capable of seeing bullshit before I go off believing it. Im so much more mature than you will ever be. All I need to do is say COWGIRL UP because this cowgirl is done shedding tears for your sorry bullshit.
Have a nice life Jonathan. Good-luck with drinking and smoking pot.
Youll see one day what you've become.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Ive realized a lot about my past, and its time to show it...
I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt along the lines of friends, family, and enemy's. I love the people I come in contact with, they've always left an imprint on my journey to find who I am. But you know what, I know who I am and Ive come to realize "I don't need someone to tell me or show me who I am, I wake up and look in the mirror and see the young woman Ive striven to become, to tell you the truth I'm not happy with what Ive done in the past, but my days are changing and I'm done fighting about who I'm supposed to be. I live for whats happening now and whats going on in the future, I don't need to figure out who I am anymore. God has shown me, and opened my eyes to what Ive done wrong, and what I can do to fix my mishaps I just ask for everyone's forgiveness in what Ive done to ruin relationships and friendships. I'd like to ask for certain forgiveness from MY FAMILY! I know I have been a true disappointment to them but I know they see the changes and sacrifices Ive made to be where I am right now. I love the life I live but you know what... No Body Is Perfect! Just remember that, and God will show you how close you can become to it. I know I'm not perfect and no where near it, but you know what? I am making the effort to change, and that's all anyone can do. I thank God everyday for who Ive become, I'd just like to thank everyone who has been a part of my ongoing accomplishments... Thank you for showing me the way to become the Narrator of "my life." I'm done having people write out my play book, this is my time to shine. Its my spotlight, and the crowd is waiting for me to appear and prove to them what Ive done to change, and how much of it I actually took into consideration... I'm pretty much left to drive my own path to forgiveness and I'm just about half way there...
Just a few things about me, if your wondering...
- Hello... I'm Ashlee-Marie, && you are? Well to start, I'm sixteen years young ~for what its worth~ I am currently a Junior at Winfree Academy Charter School. I happen to be Single. I am into the whole Wrangler wearing, Church going, Horse ridding, Southern Gentlemen Type guy... Because one day this Southern Bell is gonna grow up...[COWGIRL UP!] I have a little sister--->Olivia Jones && a big sister----> Hayley Eisley! SPORTS ARE MY LIFE. Especially Volleyball, Track, && Basketball. I have recently decided to attend Church regularly [First Baptist Of Richardson] && Ive learned... ♥Think hard about the choices you plan on making because they could potentially make your life, that much different. I'm Not Sure What Else You'd Need To Know, but If You think of something.... Message Me alrighty? bye(: Ashlee-Marie Out!(: